Tallinn Crap Beer Festival 2020 updates
4 May 2020
A Crap Summary
We welcomed our guests with harms outstretched
And they reached out too:
After lots of musing, people cast their votes,
mostly by facial expression
And by sizes of contributions to the slop bucket
PLENTY OF LOSERS WERE PRESENT, BUT
The clear winner of Worst Prize, or the Kung av Kräp award, is
... Kopparberg's Swedish Elk
The jury highlighted this entry's
• dry hopping with body odour and
• unique, all-pervasive weed character
... Åbro Kung
It was not(e)worthy in particular for:
• tastes of onions and other vegetables
Voting was tight for third-worst,
so we kept going, in order to score the losers:
Yep, it's confirmed - third-worst was
... Gubernija Traditional Bock
• like a watered-down high-gravity brew
Finally, here is a grab of some images posted on Facebook
(Larger versions are here, here, and here)
Awards and some photos will be posted tomorrow.
3 May 2020, afternoon
In the meantime, someone is just about sober enough to post...
THE LIST OF CRAPS:
|Boostage ||ml count||Source||Session 1
|Miller Genuine Draft, Staropramen|| 4.7%|| 330|| Shtaff |
|Argus Camaro|| 4.6%|| 330|| Shtaff |
|A. Le Coq Alexander Strong|| 7.0%||330x2|| Shtaff et al. |
|Herkus Stiprusis|| 7.5%|| 1,000|| Shtaff |
|Gubernija Svogeriu|| 7.5%|| 1,000|| Shtaff |
|Oskar Blues Wild Basin Melon Basil|| 5%|| 355|| Martians|
|Deep Ellum Blind Lemon|| 5.0%|| 355|| Martians|
|Tiger Beer, Heineken Asia Pacific|
| 5.0%||500||KKKelder||Session 2
|Kopparbergs Swedish Elk Brew X-Strong || 7.5%||330||Mad Drunk|
|Åbro Kung|| 5.2%||500||Mad Drunk|
|Norrlands Djup|| 6.0%||500||Mad Drunk|
|Meistrite Gildi Moisnik|| 5.6%||2,000||Suurjuks|
|Gubernija Noble Lager|| 5.2%||500||Shtaff |
|Gubernija Traditional Bock|| 6.0%||568||Shtaff |
|Gubernija Original Pilsner|| 4.6%||568||Shtaff |
|Gubernija Royal Baltic Porter|| 6.4%||500||Shtaff |
In only a couple hours, TCrBF will be a non-event.
2 May 2020, 13:05
For those of you who cannot be physically present
- such as our many finns in Fanland (recovered from Vappu?) -
we will be livedribbling all the chaos on BoozeTube.
You are cordially invited to join us at least in spirits!
18 April 2020
The countdown has begun
14 days to go...
Horrors are already self-isolating in the TCrBFridge.
To wet your appetite while you wait,
here's some info on two selected lovelies from our pile:
- One of them,
licence at Staropramen,
has earned reviewer comments such as this:
“Just plain wrong”
- Another of our fine Crap
beverages is Argus Camaro,
not so proudly produced in France.
Some tasting notes from the Internet:
“fizzy, dry, cardboard box, corn beer”
1 April 2020
Rumour: UNHAPPY HOUR will still occur on 2 May!
! TCrBF 2019 was highly suck-cessful, but...
Our QUEST FOR THE HOLY FAIL never ends !
For this not-quite-public not-quite-festival
- just a little before the usual hour, somewhere along Lai -
we have some cans & bottles of horror in quarantine already.
Be there or be sober!
We hope to welcome all die-hard fans with open harms,
though some fans may have to wait your turn to cry.
That way, we'll spread only facial expressions of horror, as always.
WANTED: Just a couple more terrors –
Drinks you wouldn't want to touch with a two-metre pole
20 March 2020
We don't know where we'll be, but the Plague hasn't
killed us yet.
Stay tuned and stay safe!
15 November 2019
It has recently come to our attention that others are trying to muscle
in on our turf.
We may be able to stomach Four Loko, but we can't stomach that kind of behaviour.
So let's be clear amid these hazy times:
We're the ones who do toxicity, damn it!
We and our minions focus on bringing a poisonous atmosphere.
So to all the other kids out there, big and small:
Get out of our playground, ya bullies!
The original toxic beer scene.
Accept no substitutes!
23 October 2019
A T T E N T I O N :
THIS IS A(n almost) MAY DAY CALL!
The crew of the FFS Regurgitator are
issuing a distress signal:
on 2 May 2020, we will cause you distress and
Don't miss a drop!
We've already collided with a Natty Ice berg, so TCrBF might be
Or maybe there will be a huge shitwreck off the shores of Kultuurikatel.
Either way, set sail for the yellow waters we'll pour down your
• No whales are harmed in the making of TCrBF.
• In addition to yellow, past beer colours have included (but
were not necessarily limited to) brownish, radioactive blue/green/purple, and
33 Septober 2019
Something this crap doesn't just happen.
Your twisted brainwrong makes TCrBF what it is(n't)!
So, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, PEOPLE!
And save it for us:
All things in cans or plastic
All creatures deathly pale
All things crap and drastic
The glorious taste of fail.
Archived updates from the 2019 festival can be found here...